Filling my days with working out, playing disc golf, doom scrolling and other generally gnarly stuff. I find myself crawling at the walls. I have taken up human trafficking as a hobby to keep me in tune with what is happening outside these walls. What is going down in the streets, pulse of the city. Just an NPC that is constantly watching, listening and absorbing the overall vibe of the most diverse cross section of our local populace. Most people tend to stick in their familiar bubbles and have never have had this truly amazing eye opening experience.
Traveling the metroplex in the most undercover non descript Tiguan you can get. Lovely ride by the way. Did not think much of it when Shauna had it door dashed to the house. Oh the spoils of the pandemic, it’s as if it became a game of Rule 34. What is the most obnoxious things can we get delivered, an exercise of Dionysian exploits.
New car is here!
Cool what is it?
A Tiguan.
How big of one can it be?
This is a solid question that has come up. While I am looking at three plus sized women approaching a combined 600 lbs. Well, I got 6 seats was my answer. Okay, good we need to pick up our friends. Well shit. I was already concerned for the suspension. I was praying we were on our way to toss a couple little folk in the back. Oh, was I wrong, I was sooo wrong. Amazed as to this adventure to the buffet. Five plus sized ladies and one tall ass Jimmie “J.J. Evans” Walker looking dude. Six adults in total, two pick up locations. Not a single car amongst them. All to go together to a place which was within walking distance. A much dire needed walk.
Either way, I have really taken a shine to the Tiguan over my truck. The ability to get in and out of tight spaces as well as the ability to u turn on a dime have proven itself worthy of back alley transactions. Carting unknown folks anonymously through the metroplex. Adeptly avoiding the authorities and finding safe passage for those in precariously altered states. By the way Dallas, you got weed on you. I know it, you know it and the cars behind us know it. How are you that oblivious to how bad you stink. I have had to explain to my kids why the Tiguan smells as if I let a stench of skunks run a soup kitchen in it.
I get it, we are in Texas. Under a pseudo legalization of marijuana derivatives. Well, for the moment. Still waiting to see if Governor Hot wheels is going to veto the new ban. Either way, you are not smoking real weed and that is more concerning. Texans have always smoked grass and they will continue. Although I no longer partake, I really do not care if others do. To each his own. What does society benefit from arresting Texans for harmless recreation. What the Hell did Willie Nelson ever do to be considered such an evil criminal.
While the surreptitious movement of people for money might make me a Coyote. I am also the Guero in this transaction. Just your average white dude sticking out to the point that I feel it makes people uneasy. For some reason, Mexicans think I look like John Cena. Better than getting mistaken for ICE, but I guess that’s because I never wear a mask. Either way, you can often find me on the way to get tacos while bouncing my head to Beck’s Qué Onda Güero.
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