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  • The DARE program didn’t prepare me for this

    The DARE program didn’t prepare me for this

    As a child of the 80’s, we were inundated with various levels of panic growing up. Never talk to strangers. Especially ones with puppies, candy and white panel vans. Satanic panic was real and Ozzy was taking us straight to hell. I mean the princes of darkness did bite the head off a dove and…


  • BBQ gas station cockfight and the new Velvet Elvis

    BBQ gas station cockfight and the new Velvet Elvis

    Right down the road from my house, I’ve discover the greatest paradox of current day Americana. A couple of things I am always looking for while engaging in my coyote exploits are a clean restroom and good food suggestions for a tourist. When these two things converge, you know you’ve arrived. When people are visiting…


  • Coyote Güero

    Coyote Güero

    Filling my days with working out, playing disc golf, doom scrolling and other generally gnarly stuff. I find myself crawling at the walls. I have taken up human trafficking as a hobby to keep me in tune with what is happening outside these walls. What is going down in the streets, pulse of the city….


  • Māori Warrior 

    Māori Warrior 

    SO, the great make bread at home mountain has been climbed. The Journey said she wanted to make the bread. Why not, it’s been a while and I have not baked since I wanted to make my own shiner bock beer bread. Back in the baby Pie days. It’s all about getting the starter started….


  • Master Blaster

    Master Blaster

    I find that sometimes I am just a big dumb animal, being directed by this little person calling all the shots. Akin to Master Blaster from one of the greatest movies ever, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Tina Turner was the beginning of my great awakening. The Shauna will come up often. She is the first…


  • Staring into the void

    Staring into the void

    I awoke this morning to the feeling of being watched. Opening my eyes to a dark room, I make out a shadowy figure looking right at me. The beady eyes are looking straight into my soul. It’s Simon. He knows, that I know what time it is. Get up you bastard and feed me, I…


  • Smurfettes dirty secret

    Smurfettes dirty secret

    So Basically, I have been doing all kinds of baking. The Journey, aka Pie, was about to turn 16 and I have been making various cakes and wanted to put together one that I have been tweaking and a whole new one based off of one little ingredient. The ingredient was supposed to be some…


Meet your main gnome

Gnomeslayin is an exercise to build understanding of what has become a bastardization of culture.